Toilet humour

On the wall of a Sulabh Shauchalaya:

The day every Indian has a toilet of their own, we will know that the country has reached the pinnacle of progress

Pinnacle of progress or not, I definitely don't know what we'll do with a billion toilets.

Let the desigiri begin

Air-India: There must be no other airline in the world that sticks as firmly to its roots. If you're missing home and are forgetting what it feels like, one flight will fix all of that.

To start with, the flight is delayed from its prescheduled take-off time of 7pm by four hours due to 'fog in Delhi'. At 11pm, we file into the plane and I close my eyes happy with the fact that I was on my way home. When I open them at 12:30am, I realise we're still grounded - it seems we have engine trouble and have been sitting around for an hour and a half waiting for the technicians to take a look at it. The hour and a half turns into three hours and people start getting agitated - the goras a little more so. People gherao the flight crew demanding an explanation, everybody is out of their seats, people are walking out of the aircraft to get fresh air, there is yelling and screaming, nobody knows anything and the goras are afraid for their lives. For us, veteran desis, this is routine.

The flight finally took off at 3am, the goras that remained ran off the plane at London Heathrow and were never seen since, a bunch of bhaiyyos and behenos having taken their place. When the flight finally landed in Bombay, I was surveying the aftermath. Haldiram chivda, empty food packets, newspaper sheets, unmentionable body fluids and an unforgettable aroma that told me I had arrived.

I knew right then and there that this was going to be an awesome trip. :)

Car honking leads to fight

Borivli: A man's request to a car driver to stop honking led to a mini-riot between two groups in Borivli on Saturday. The Borivli police has arrested four persons from both sides and are looking for 10 unknown persons.According to the police, late on Saturday night, cable operator Nitin Keni was in his Toyota Qualis car filling diesel at Famous petrol pump on S V road. The driver of the next vehicle in line, which was carrying petrol pump manager, Ajay Kumar Tiwari, honked its horn.A war of words broke out between Keni, who took objection to the honking, and Tiwari. Soon they assaulted each other with bats, hockey sticks and wooden sticks. At least five persons were seriously injured in the incident, say police. The police has registered rioting cases against both parties.

We seem to have so much vela time - if only we could put it to good use.

Overheard at the theatre...

He's getting hard!

Comment passed by a fellow moviegoer as a blind lady feels Ben Grimm's body in The Fantastic Four. Cracked everybody up.

Pacific memories

I had a very weird dream last night.

I was on the edge of a cliff, holding on to something with my hand... it was the only thing keeping me from free falling... I could see the bluest sea below me, rocks and waves striking the sea shore... and the cliff seemed to be moving... as though I was on an airplane... the cliff landed and I hopped off it onto the beach below... and then I jumped into a boat filled with a lot of people and we were ripping along a very turbulent river at breakneck speeds... I jumped off the boat onto a jet ski and was joined by a crazy family friend who I've not thought about in ages... and we were racing along the river... and I vaguely remember seeing submerged cars, which sort of reminded me of the floods in Bombay... and we entered an area which reminded me of the everglades, with lots of trees surrounding us and not enough light... and we hopped off and ran towards an arbitrary red spot which I decided was the finish line... and I won... and then I woke up.

Not sure if any of this means anything.

Listen to Pacific Memories by Fenomenon. It's cool.

"Ask why, asshole."

Saw a very cool documentary today called Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room. It was about the rise and fall of Enron and showcased one of the most... (don't know if I should use the phrase heinous crimes, or brilliant shams here) of all time. It was a story about an American dream and how it turned out to be a hollow, rotten nightmare.

I found it hard to believe that America's seventh largest corporation could go bankrupt in 24 days, causing tens of thousands of people to lose their jobs and robbing them of billions in 401Ks. Only today did I realise how long the company had been putting a sham front up. They were falsifying their books years before anything even came to light. And when the executives realised that the ship was sinking, they offloaded millions of dollars worth of company stock, while freezing their employee's accounts so that they could not do the same. A company which had seen it's share price touch a high of over $100, saw it drop to 40 cents and a man who once had $350,000 in his 401K, ended up with $1250.

This documentary not only exposed the fraud that Enron had been perpetuating for ages, but it linked Enron into a much larger conspiracy... one that involved our beloved Dubya (with a few scenes thrown in for comic relief) and the one and only Gubernator of California, Arnie. To appeal to the desi in us, they've also shown India when they spoke about the Dabhol power plant fiasco (don't know how many of you remember it, but I do because the Enron representative whose picture used to appear on the front page of the newspaper was a pretty blonde who insisted on wearing miniskirts while speaking to our ministers).

You will come out shaking your head when you realise the extents to which Enron went to screw over the state of California, stuff Bush's pockets, catalyse the ouster of incumbent governor Gray Davis and pave the way for Arnold to waltz into office... and how they had the entire country fooled until the corporation collapsed like a pack of cards.

The documentary is well made and they've gotten comments from a great selection of personalities. They've been factual and they've still managed to weave a very interesting and human story with keen insights from people close to the entire affair (and did I mention Dubya's in it too??!! He's awesome as usual!!) It will get you asking why (Ask why was the corporate slogan for Enron)... and how as well.

Some of the scenes that are stuck in my head:

• An energy trader calls up a power plant in California, asking them to shut it down temporarily to raise the price of energy futures.
• George W. Bush's brilliant piece of insight that we can help the people of California by being better citizens (????).
• A bulldozer moves a tonne of shredded paper which are account books that Enron shredded when they realised that the s**t had hit the fan.
• Arnie yells to the crowd "Now it's time to terminate him!", referring to Gray Davis.
• A reporter asks Gray Davis if he felt the entire California energy fiasco was caused by Enron in a conspiracy to get him recalled... and he doesn't say anything for a few moments... then laughs and goes "Hello???!!".
• And this one's my favourite - a reporter puts the CEO of the company, Jeff Skillings on the spot asking why the company never releases it's accounts every year... and Jeff thinks for a while and answers in a very thoughtful manner... by calling him an asshole. This prompts the traders to put up signs saying "Ask why, asshole."

One of the better documentaries that I've seen. Highly recommended.

There are some things money can't buy

Taking the PATH train to Jersey City to play with my adorable cousins and eat awesome Gujju food... $3

Sipping on ice tea in Union Square with one of my oldest friends, reminiscing good times... $1.96

Taking the subway uptown to grab some of the most fun volleyball games of the year... $2

Going to one of my favourite restaurants to have dinner and a very large margarita... $21

Watching a mindless, stupid and extremely gross horror flick with buddies... $11

Getting that feeling when you've done everything you possibly could in a day... Priceless

There are some things money can't buy. Everything else is not that important.